Recent conversation in the manager’s office

by on 07/11/04 at 8:19 pm

Now I can’t tell you how I came by this, but I thought you might be interested to read this transcript of a conversation in the manager’s office recently:

El Fruitcake: Lee, I’ve decided to put you in the starting line-up for the next game.
The Thorpedo: Great! I’ve been working hard in training and waiting for my chance to get back into the first eleven. What’s the game?
EF: It’s the LDV Vans tin-pot 2nd round, against Barnet on Wednesday evening.
TT: Uh, I just remembered, I can’t make Wednesday evening.
EF: What! Why?
TT: I’m, um, I’m washing my hair.
EF: You don’t have any hair.
TT: I mean I’m waxing my head.
EF: Don’t be stupid. You can do that on Tuesday.
TT: I mean I’m dyeing Disley’s hair. Again.
EF: Lee, I take this competition very seriously, I want to win that tin pot, it would be great to double the Rovers trophy haul from the last hundred years. You’re starting the game.
TT: Okay, okay. Who I am starting alongside, Junior or Walker?
EF: Forrester.
TT: Who?
EF: Jamie Forrester.
TT: Who?
EF: The little guy, played a couple of games at the start of the season.
TT: Oh him, I didn’t realise he was still around.
EF: Oh yes, he’s a big part of my plans for the season.
TT: What are your plans?
EF: I keep telling you, I want to win that tin pot. That, and to blow up the Kassam stadium in a controlled explosion.
TT: How on earth are you going to do that?
EF: Well, I’ve made some Irish friends recently, and they say they can get me lots of…
TT: No, I mean how are you going to win the LDV Vans competition?
EF: I’m going to use cheering power.
TT: You’re going to use the Blue Flames?
EF: No, I mean the Gasheads, they’ll support is in anything. I tell you, they’re fruitcakes. In the 1st round 3000 of them turned up, they outnumbered the Kidderminster fans 1500 to 1. If we can keep that ratio up, by the time we meet City in the area final we’ll have 15,000,000 fans behind us! With that kind of support we just can’t lose
TT: Right…

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