Black Arab Five Year Plan

by on 14/06/06 at 12:11 pm

In light of the recent boardroom activities, Black Arab has chosen to reveal the details of their 2001 plan to take the club forward and harmonise mankind by uniting the spheres. Or whateverdafook.

the original offer letter is available here

As the New Chairman of Bristol Rovers I will first write off all the debts including the stadium and all outstanding monies owed to outgoing directors. I will do this in a legal way by declaring Bristol Rovers an Independent Free State within the European Union. All assets and liabilities will therefore be seized and placed under the public purse in a Castro style Nationalisation programme. Because we are now a country, we can???t be chucked out of the league as we will have our own representation to FIFA and UEFA and can argue the toss whilst bribing the officials

All houses in the immediate vicinity will also be nationalised and the residents co-opted in the Independent Free State where they will be encouraged to work for the Free State in return for the National Maximum Wage of ??30 plus a free season ticket for the tent end, thus solving any staffing issues.

One of the main priorities of the new board will be diversify the income opportunities of the club. Football is obviously a poor payer, so as an Independent Free State we will legalise gambling and prostitution and produce our own liquor seeing as we won???t have to pay duty to the Inland Revenue any more. The Bristol Rovers brand hooch will be distilled from water collected from the Centenary stand roof and use the grass cuttings as the base for fermentation.

Again as a Free State within the EU, we will be able to offer passports to whoeverdafook we choose. I choose the entire Uruguayan B team. Who no doubt will be happy to play football for Bristol Rovers for the National Maximum wage which is probably double what they could get in Uruguay. Hey why not get some Chinese players too? I hear they work for nothing in China!

Right, I solved the debt, the wage bill and the staffing issues and increased revenue by legalising many lucrative sidelines. Now what? I guess we will need a space programme. There must be innumerable planets and galaxies that would want to watch the Rovers, better get a head start before Man U do it. Within 5 years I will put a Gashead on the Moon. Actually better still, within 5 years I will put a Sh*thead on the Moon and leave them there. All nominations gratefully accepted.

Stadium expansion will be a handled by a people???s sub-committee consisting of Sir John Harvey Jones, Alan Sugar and Henry Kissinger. Actually seeing as we don???t need planning permission any more, we just need to get on with it. I tell you what, there will be convertible terraces for the Hoi Polloi, whilst the boardroom will have hot and cold running chambermaids, a huuuuuge Jacuzzi and monkey butlers.

Err, that???s it!

Dr John Dee
Maximum Leader of The Church of Black Arab

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